Heart Broken

Have you ever had a Time when you thought maybe it's just time to give up. That maybe true love isn't easy but it shouldn't be this hard? A time that you consider that maybe you just arn't in love anymore and it would just be easier for give up on a spouse love and just have a child on your own, A child who knows no better than to love you. One who you don't have to worry about them loving your appearance because you are their mother and they will always love you because you brought them into this world and you are all they know? That's where I am now... That's what I want to do right now... I mean let's face it, who is going to love me? This guy that I have been with off and on for 11 years just admitted that he's not attracted to me because I am fat... I'm a size 15... it's not like I am over 300 pounds. I weight 198... so yeah okay I am like 50 - 60 pounds over weight.... there are worse out there... why is it now a days in society a girl cannot enjoy food because instead she needs to eat grass and stay a size 2 to get someone to love her or else spend the rest of her life alone and unhappy? Though why do I need a man to feel happy? where does it actually state that I cannot be happy unless I have a companion? Everywhere. It is invisibly stated EVERYWHERE. So what do I do about this? I literally have to change who I am and what I look like just so someone can love me because the girl I have become is unlovable...